Testing, testing...is this thing on?

So, yeah. It's been a very long time. But three kids plus one miscarriage plus one more baby will do that to you. A lot has happened and I am going to try and catch everyone up to speed. I had a miscarriage last year right before hurricane Sandy. But I will write a separate post on that later. I wanted to focus on the birth of my beautiful baby boy, Ronan Richard Chute. So, here goes. It started with my hair appointment on Friday. I always, always seem to go into labor right after I get my hair done. I was going on 38 weeks and I knew that I was close. I mean, I have had all of my kids right around 38 weeks, remember? So on Monday morning, November 4th, I wasn't too surprised when I thought I was going into labor when I had the runs. As many of you know from fb, I wasn't sure if my stomach was just acting up or if it was a sign that it was time. And so I went about my day. I took Maeve and Cara to school and I went home and played with Cavan. I was definitely having contractions. I called Kenyon and let him know they were pretty close together but that I wasn't in any pain yet. I told him to clear his schedule. I picked up Maeve from school at 11:35 a.m. I knew something wasn't quite right because getting out of the car made me bend over- not hurt exactly but just made me take a deep breath in. We drove home and went about our day. I was making the kids lunch when all of a sudden- I had to go to the bathroom (again, now for the fourth time). When I stood up, I stopped dead in my tracks when a contraction took my breath away. I thought, hm.... might be time to call the doctor. They told me to go straight to the hospital and that Dr. Gross would meet me there. I said, sure, see you in about an hour. An hour? They seemed pretty annoyed to be honest. But I have three kids under five that needed someone to look after them. I called Kenyon and told him to come home. He did and I left. I went by myself because a little part of me thought that this couldn't be the time. I was the earliest that I have ever been with my kids. I wasn't really sure I was ready and I had a lot of anxiety. I didn't even bring my bag in! They checked me into the hospital and told me that I was already 70% effaced and 3 cm dilated. You're having a baby today they told me and I felt a moment of panic. I am alone! Wait! I told them to wait to break my water because Kenyon wasn't there. They agreed to wait. Dr. Gross broke my water around 2:00ish when Kenyon arrived. I got my epidural shortly after that thinking that I might go quickly like I did with Cara and I certainly didn't want to be without one. Around 3:30 or so, I started to feel funny. Light headed, and I could feel my heart racing- like it was going to pop out of my chest. The alarms went off in the room. You know, that scary beeping sound where you know something is wrong. The nurse came in and gave me some oxygen. I felt better but every two minutes or so, my heart would start racing again. And I would feel light headed. They called the anesthesiologist. He determined it was not the epidural in wrong. This was something with my heart. So they called the cardiologist. The nurses came in and took an EKG of my heart. Sent it to the cardiologist and he determined that there was nothing wrong. Everything looked normal and that it could just be anxiety. After about two hours of my heart racing every two minutes, I fell asleep. They had shut the epidural off but turned it on again after two hours. We were now approaching 6 PM and I was about 7 cm dilated. The next three centimeters went rather quickly. At 7 I told the nurse that I thought I was close. She determined I was 9 cm. Doc came in and told me he would probably see me at 7:15. At 7:07 I called the nurse again and told her the baby needed to come out. She looked and told me to hold on to which I replied (in a not so nice manner, no). I wanted to start pushing. Doctor finally came in at 7:14. I pushed as hard as I could. There was a knock at the door and (you will not believe this) the registration man came in to say I had not registered properly. Uh.... get out! Everyone yelled at this man to leave, me included. At 7:30 I was screaming (the epidural didn't really work since it was shut off and I felt everything) and I wanted that baby out of me. The baby came out and tore me. They lifted the baby up and yelled, its a boy! I'll be honest, I wasn't jumping for joy yet. I was hurting and I felt like my insides had just been ripped out. They put him on my chest and I vaguely remember patting him and thinking, God I am in so much pain. They took him after about 15 minutes to clean him up. We decided on Ronan (over Finnean and Rowan). It just fit. We held off on putting it on fb or even calling anyone because I was tired. This was by far my hardest, most scary delivery yet and I needed a moment. A moment to look at him and soak it all in. He was my biggest baby (7 lbs, 5 oz and my longest baby 21 inches long). And I knew it. Kenyon and I spent the night alone with him, taking it all in that we now have a fourth baby. I spent two very short days in the hospital. I was in a lot of pain but seemed to be doing better each day. Ronan wasn't the best nursling at first but he grew into a great one. And we left the hospital loving our sweet little family, not realizing the whirl wind we were about to go through.....